Peteisms

These "quaint" observations were attributed to me by my good buddy at MicroStrategy, Randy Hechinger.

Don't throw me in that briar patch!
I'd jump on that like a duck on a junebug!
This is a job for Superman!
Barf!
I hate Bill Gates, everything he stands for, and the horse he rode in on!
Its better than a sharp stick in the eye!
My head is like the permafrost: it takes a while for things to penetrate.
What a mountain of horse hockey!
I've been immortalized!
Seven A.M.? Even the chickens aren't up!
If I see a nit, I have to pick it.
Frog strangler (of rain)
Oh my ears and whiskers! It's lunch time!
It makes my jaws tight!
Well hot cinders and whoopie-doo!
That's been around since Methuselah was a pup!
He's an asshole! Ooooh, the Alka-Seltzer works!
What's so good about sliced bread?
Shazaam!
Get thee behind me, Satan!
If I had dynamite for brains, I couldn't blow my nose!
Ain't that a boot in the boodingy! (spelling unknown)
He's comin' outa shoot number 3, ridin' Cyclone!
Tell them to go butt a stump!
That really jacks my jaws!
Confusing as dropping your gum in the chicken yard
I'll be there, if it hairlips the governor!